Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good.
Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness.
Touching is almost always acceptable for women, but can get men in hot water real fast. And hair flips and lip licking are pretty sex specific to women.
So, early on, how can a guy flirt without getting in trouble?
Research has shown that flirting which emphasizes physical attractiveness has little effect when males do it.
The flirting that is most effective for men involves displays of social dominance.
The results indicated that the men who successfully initiated romantic contact with women exhibited a greater number of particular kinds of nonverbal flirting behavior than men who did not establish romantic contact. Specifically, successful men directed more brief glances at their intended, engaged in a greater number of “space maximization” movements (positioning the body so that it takes up more space; e.g., extending one arm across an adjacent chair, stretching so that both arms extend straight up in the air), changed their location in the bar more frequently, and displayed greater amounts of non-reciprocated touching to surrounding men (e.g., playfully shoving, touching, or elbowing the ribs of other men). In discussing their findings, the researchers concluded that men who provide signals of their positive intentions (e.g., through glancing behaviors) and their status (e.g., through space maximization and non-reciprocated touch of male peers) receive preferential attention from women.
How do you know if it’s working? When you start talking to her, ask yourself: “Is she speaking smoothly and quickly?”
Because MIT research says that’s a very good sign.
Overall, ask yourself, “What would James Bond do?” And here’s a guide to what makes Bond so irresistible.
Here’s something you probably don’t hear a lot: it’s most likely your fault.
Researchers have documented a bias where people think they’re being clear about their intentions but, in reality, nobody but them thinks they’re flirting.
A more recent series of investigations by Vorauer and her colleagues (Vorauer, Cameron, Holmes, & Pearce, 2003) demonstrated that the fear of being rejected by a potential partner can produce yet another pernicious attributional bias. The “signal amplification bias” occurs when people believe that their social overtures communicate more romantic interest to potential partners than is actually the case and thus fail to realize that they have not adequately conveyed their feelings of attraction.
You may need to amp it up, even if that makes you a bit uncomfortable.
Here are research-based guides on related topics:
